I suppose the toughest part of being away from home is when bad news hits. Just a bit ago this very thing happened. However, being who I am, even with tears streaming and my mind spinning, trying to grasp the sanity of life (which I often am convinced does not exist) I know I must stay positive. There is so much to be sad about in this world; so I will respect the somber moments I live and continue to open my eyes every morning remembering all the joy that I have seen, will continue to experience and without a doubt experience once again.
I am inserting below part of Mary Oliver's "University Hospital, Boston" as I keep my family in my thoughts. As I spoke to my mother earlier she asked me if I did not wish to be a child again when life is tough; as a child, life is just simpler. I responded that it was, indeed, nice to be a child, but as we get older we amass a wealth of memories and moments we would never have discovered and lived through if we always stayed young. I would not give these moments up for the world. I love you.
I look into your eyes
which are sometimes green and sometimes gray,
and sometimes full of humor, but often not,
and tell myself, you are better,
because my life without you would be
a place of parched and broken trees.
Later, walking the corridors down to the street,
I turn and step inside an empty room.
Yesterday someone was here with a gasping face.
Now the bed is made all new,
The machines have been rolled away. The silence
continues, deep and neutral,
as I stand there, loving you.
What I would do to be where I want to be and where I need to be right now.
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